“Doesn’t the internet know it’s Nick Foles?” Barwin gamely chose to answer a question about who had the biggest dong in the locker room. Back in 2014, former Eagles linebacker Connor Barwin was participating in one of Reddit’s infamous Q&A sessions. But the legend of BDN began well before that. For you non-Eagles fans, you may have heard the moniker “ Big Dick Nick” over the last two seasons and simply thought it was bestowed upon him for his clutch-time heroics. Packing Heat: Everyone knows the answer here is Nick Foles. And it’s probably that he has a huge dick. Wild Card: Are we actually supposed to believe that Nate Stupar r is a linebacker, let alone a football player? This guy knows something we don’t. I am unsure as to how this affects penis size, but I’m assuming for the worse. Lacking Heat: Punter Riley Dixon is one of the NFL’s preeminent redheads. He’s an absolute beast on the field, and you know the man has some height in his tights. Wild Card: How could I not shout out Tyron Smith here. Donovan, I love you, but I’m talking about you too. Anyone who does the Campbell’s Soup commercials has a stunt in the front. It’s frustrating the number of measurements they take at the combine without doing the most important one. I’m not sure why, but I’m envisioning him having an absolute hammer. Packing Heat: Leighton Vander Esch may have taken the linebacker’s mantle from Urlacher in terms of the King Kong of Ding Dong. This picture looks like it was resized and stretched out in Microsoft Powerpoint. Also, you have to get a look at CJ Ham, the fullback. He’s got kind of a junkie vibe going on, sometimes those dudes have a strong dong. Wild Card: Hard to get a read on Chad Beebe, son of former NFLer Don Beebe. It’s also worth noting this picture of Everson The delivery man, upon getting home, tweeted if you’re gonna open the door for the delivery guy in your underwearĪnd make him stare at your tiny dick, tip more #shittytipsendejo.” There’s a great story about him answering the door for the pizza delivery man in nothing but his underwear. Lacking Heat: There are a lot of good candidates on the Vikings, but let’s go with Andrew Sendejo.
Plus he was born in the Caribbean, though I’m not quite sure what that means. Packing Heat: Linval Joseph is 330 pounds of man. But the other hand, this albino ginger already looks like a defiance of God. By that logic, Jimmy Graham should be head hog. Wild Card: On one hand, you always gotta look out for the former basketball players when it comes to pork sword. I also just assume anyone who went to Notre Dame is weak in the weewee. Lacking Heat: DeShone Kizer is a Bruno Mars- looking pussycat of a quarterback. Can’t go wrong with a guy named after a whale.
But I’m disappointed to find out that he’s not related to Tony Siragusa, so I’m going with tackle Bryan Bulaga. Packing Heat: I thought Nico Siragusa would be a good pick here at 6-4, 330. He may be tied for the second-shortest guy on the team at 5-9, but this is one penis that cannot be counted out. Wild Card: Theo Riddick has to know a thing or two about dick, it’s in his name. Also, anyone remember this from LeGarrette Blount? Would’ve said MegaDong if he hadn’t retired. Packing Heat: Matt Prater has the biggest leg in the NFL, which should naturally extend to his third one. Wild Card: Hard to get a read on a man named “Tarik Cohen.” I personally think he need a wider cut of weiner wood between his legs. People think that the worst kicker in the NFL last season simply needed a wider goalpost on his season-ending playoff miss against Philadelphia. Lacking Heat: Unquestionably, Cody Parkey. Google, it takes you straight to Dick Butkus. Just to let you know, if you search “Chicago Bears Penis” on
Why do you think they’re called “sacks?” You also can’t go wrong with Pro BowlĭE Akiem Hicks, who lines up at all of 6-5, 332 pounds. In terms of current Bears, Khalil Mack is an easy answer.
Just wanted to give that little background and shoutout. But as I said above, we’re going off of the 2018 roster. We all agreed at the time that it was Brian Urlacher, and that he would shock the world. Packing Heat: The impetus for this little exercise came from a debate I used to have with my cousins many years ago about who we thought had the most monstrous dong in the NFL.
Let’s start with the NFC – the AFC will follow. Looking to stay away from the easy, stereotypical answers, and 3) I enjoyed Welcome to: Packing heat or lacking heat.Ī few notes: 1) I’m going off of 2018 NFL rosters, 2) I’m Scan NFL rosters trying to imagine what everyone’s penis looks like. Scan NFL rosters looking for trade candidates to get their team over the hump. The necessary holes to plug to create a championship contender. Some people scan NFL rosters in the offseason, looking for